So, in the last few weeks, I’ve had several people ask me why I don’t share more of my personal experiences in my writing.
I write quite a bit on “having spiritual experiences” in a general sense…
But why don’t I give more specifics?
Well, part of it is that I just haven’t got there yet…
There are lots of big things going on behind the scenes right now.
And so I’ve just been publishing a couple articles a month while I gear up for [super secret stuff].
And really, I’ve been trying to keep the articles simple and self-contained. Because I didn’t want to open up some of the deeper topics until I could give them the time that they deserve.
I didn’t want to give the impression that I was glossing over the good stuff…
But… since I seem to have failed at that! Why don’t I try something a little different…
The thing about digging into specific experiences is that they’ve all got so much spiritual baggage attached.
They all come with a few millennia worth of religious dogma.
If you like the established interpretations, then the tendency is to buy into the old worldviews, and accept the experiences as something meaningful or sacred.
If you don’t buy into the standard stories, then the experiences tend to get dismissed as being fake or delusional.
Either way, it works to maintain the status quo…
And that’s never very useful or interesting.
So… I thought I’d share a couple experiences.
But along with them, some of the questions that come up when you let go of the old sacred stories…
And really look at them with fresh, modern eyes.
I’ll start with the experience that changed my life…
Concrete and Formlessness
In the bio on my About page, I talk about hitting my head on the ice… And how I began having all kinds of crazy experiences.
Well, this is how it all started…
I was seventeen years old. And was leaving school at the end of the day, carrying a clay sculpture that I’d been working on for weeks.
The parking lot was completely frozen over, and I was in a hurry.
And just as I got to my car, I slipped and went down…
Now, I probably could have caught myself.
But that would have meant dropping my sculpture… And I did not want to do that!
So I twisted to keep it safe… And went head first into the concrete.
Funny how one split-second decision can shape an entire life…
My memories after that are pretty fragmented. But I remember a few disjointed events…
I remember standing up and saying some things I won’t repeat…
I remember walking into an old hangout an hour later and asking my friends what year it was…
I remember them laughing and making fun of me until I pulled the hair away from my face so they could see the blood…
I remember being helped into a car, and seeing an ex-girlfriend working in the emergency room…
And then I remember being nowhere…
Now, when I say nowhere, I don’t mean that I was asleep.
I wasn’t unconscious.
But I wasn’t exactly conscious either…
I was in a state that was distinctly different from both.
It was a bit like waking up from a deep sleep and not remembering where you are…
Except that I couldn’t remember having ever been awake!
It was like waking up for the very first time…
I had no memories. I had no concept of self. There was no time. There were no thoughts.
I had none of my five physical senses.
For what could have been an eternity, there was only awareness, and an indescribable emptiness…
Like an infinite, unblemished sentience—awakening out of nothing, into nothing.
And then it was later…
I was in a hospital bed, feeling crappy, and answering questions like, how old are you? (Which I guessed right.)
And, what year is it? (Which I didn’t.)
Most of my memories came back after a few days. But a few never did.
(I still don’t remember where I was before driving downtown to meet my friends.)
But I remembered what it was like to awaken in emptiness.
I remembered being emptiness.
Of course, I now recognize the state as what mystics refer to as formlessness, or causal awareness. But at the time I didn’t know anything like that even existed.
And from that initial experience, things just kept getting weirder.
Lucid dreams… Strange vision states… Out of body experiences… Others I don’t even have names for…
It was another year before I discovered that these (and many other) altered states were not only common… they could be developed and induced at will.
Which was incredibly freeing!
And once I realized, I threw myself in and got to work learning everything I could…
Enlightenment in a Nutshell
By the time I was in my early twenties, I started experiencing states of nondual awareness.
Again accidentally.
Though in hindsight, I had been playing with some of the preliminary exercises used by the classical traditions.
I just had no idea that it would lead to nonduality.
At first the state came upon me sporadically, in fleeting glimpses that only lasted a few minutes.
But as time went on it occurred more and more frequently. Sometimes lasting for several days at a time.
And occasionally, even persisting throughout deep dreamless sleep.
It’s still one of the most profound states that I experience.
But it’s also one of the places where I depart sharply from the classical interpretations.
Within the nondual state there is a profound sense of order and unity…
A serene and unshakable purpose of will…
And a feeling of divine gratitude and surrender that can never be captured in words…
Such surrender, that even your deepest suffering is cherished and embraced as unutterable perfection…
And yet, there is nothing to surrender to…
The boundary between observer and observed falls away, and you awaken to the realization that you are both the Source and the Witness of all that arises…
Depending on the religious and cultural background of the mystic, this is interpreted as a state of Enlightenment (Buddhist), a realization of the true Self (Hindu), or as a divine oneness with the Godhead (Christian).
Not surprisingly, the goal of classical mysticism, of any faith, is often to attain (and retain) this state of nondual unity.
In my case, having grown up apart from any spiritual or religious teachings, I didn’t have any idea what to make of it!
The state was (and is) as profound and spiritually nourishing as it ever was.
But our knowledge of the universe has grown substantially since those quaint classical worldviews were first created.
And unless you’re willing to ignore centuries of contemporary science and physics, it makes those old interpretations impossible to embrace!
Now, just to be clear, I’m not suggesting that all of our experiences are just brain states and neurochemistry.
I’m not endorsing materialism as an explanation.
We’re all familiar with that particular story…
I’m talking about embracing the experiences as real.
While still coming to terms with the physics that have completely overturned those old religious ways of thinking.
There’s been a lot written about spirituality and quantum mechanics, and how one supposedly supports the other… (Misguided as it is.)
But without exception, those authors cherry-pick the parts they like, and leave out everything that might undermine their beliefs.
In particular, Einstein’s unification of time and space is absolutely devastating to the worldviews of traditional spirituality.
(Though few people seem to realize it.)
Of course, it’s still a valid choice to ignore any new information and just stick with the old ways.
Plenty of people have lived full and fulfilling spiritual lives doing just that.
But it’s much more interesting to meet the challenges head on, and allow ourselves to question the sacred.
To discover something new…
And magical, in a whole new way.
But in order to do that, we have to stick through some pretty tough questions…
For example, if the nondual state is an identification with the Absolute, and the Absolute resides in the core of each and every one of us, then why are we not aware of the interior feelings of others?
Like all nondual mystics, I experienced those around me as perfect expressions of the same radiant Spirit that is my own true Identity…
Yet I do not share in their awareness.
I can’t see through their eyes, nor recall their memories as my own.
Nor do I suddenly become aware of the billions of other people around the planet.
None of us do.
We move into a nondual state, and are indeed “one” with everything that enters our awareness…
But we’re not aware of everything.
We don’t become omniscient.
We can’t see the past, or peer flawlessly into the future.
Or know what’s happening on the other side of the Earth. (Or even the other side of town.)
In fact, the things that we’re not aware of can always just about fill an infinite universe!
It’s a strange sort of “ultimate realization,” to be one with everything in our awareness… yet be aware of so little.
If we are experiencing a true union with the Godhead—with the infinite Self that is no-self—then why are the contents of our awareness so limited?
And, more importantly, how are they limited?
What determines which information is accessible to our awareness, and which information remains unrealized?
It’s the same with the state of formless awareness…
If I withdraw my awareness from the exterior world, into complete formless absorption, then why do I always come back as myself?
If all of manifest reality—you, me, the dog next door—is an expression of the Absolute, then isn’t that terribly convenient?
Surely, just once, I should emerge from formlessness as a fish, or the mailman, or a lamp post, or something…
And yet, I emerge consistently me.
Obviously we retain some connection to our bodies during deep formless absorption. (A reality also evidenced by the fact that we can be physically disturbed from a state of formless awareness.)
But this connection is rather curious for absorption in a spiritual Absolute…
A true Absolute cannot possess degrees of connectedness with a world of relative form—it cannot privilege one form over another.
And yet, this is precisely what we experience.
Time is an even bigger problem…
Supposedly, the formless state is also timeless.
And I get why they say that…
Because the passage of time is never felt during the experience.
But we always come back later than we went in…
If the formless were truly timeless, then we should expect to return at the same moment we left…
Yet it never happens.
We may naïvely invoke the existence of a physical time, which passes independently of the timeless realms of spirituality…
But this appeal is quickly dashed by the insights of relativistic physics.
(Seriously, all of the archaic spiritual philosophies about time are decimated by relativity.)
And these are just a few questions that come up around two traditional states!
So that’s the reason that I haven’t gone into detail yet on specific experiences…
Because these are the kinds of things that need to be explored if we’re not just going to rehash the past or maintain the status quo.
I can’t say that I have all the answers.
Nobody does.
But after dedicating the last 25 years of my life to all this craziness—and tearing down everything that I held sacred more times than I can count—I can say that I’ve come to a perspective that’s insightful and compelling.
And completely different from anything else that’s out there.
So, if that sounds like something you’d be into, hang in there…
I promise cool stuff is coming!
If you liked this post, please consider sharing, along with a brief comment of what you thought… It doesn’t sound like much. But these small gestures make a tremendous impact on building our community, and helping other wayward rebels find a perspective that they can resonate with.
And if it spoke to you, why not Join the Tribe? It's free.. And this is just one tiny piece of more than two decades of impassioned work...... And YOU probably belong here with the rest of us!!
In any case, thanks so much for stopping by! – \m/ – Z
About Zach Herbert
I teach people to do cool things with their consciousness, and break their brains with beautiful ideas.
Professional heretic. Unlikely mystic. Host to rebels, misfits and independent thinkers.
Find out more here. And follow me on Facebook at:
Robin Karnis says
What do you mean,”why don’t we?”; some of us do see into the past and future. Some of us do experience the suspension of many supposed laws of physics. I have experienced things I can only describe as miracles. Just because your spiritual vision has certain limits does not mean all of us have the same limits!
JosieB Crook says
It seems like Zach has touched a nerve that has challenged the interpretation of your experiences based on your worldview. You’ve taken 3 words out of context and taken offence – not you nor anyone in this entire world can see the WHOLE of the past, nor “peer flawlessly” into the future. From what I understand, this site and Zach’s writings are here for us to tear down these outdated ways of thinking and to give us the inspiration and a place where we can explore experiences that “suspend many of the laws of physics”, and not just keep rehashing old ideas such ‘miracles’ and ‘spiritual vision’.
Robin Karnis says
I do not take offense at his remarks, but I wonder why he believes that his experience is the only experience, why he assumes that the limits he has found are limits we all have. I enjoy his writings very much and understand the very intricate concepts he is able to describe. Oftentimes there are no words adequate to the task, yet he manages to get these experiences across to others. I merely want him to realize that these limitations of which he speaks are merely false constructs he has accepted and that this acceptance is what is limiting him from moving beyond those bounds.
JosieB Crook says
It’s certainly interesting how we read such vastly different messages from the same words. Not once in reading this did I feel that he believes his experience to be the only experience, nor did I get that he is bound by false constructs that are limiting him from moving beyond those bounds. But hey, this is a place where we are free to make honest enquiry, so I’m keen to hear Zach’s response to your perspective.
Robin Karnis says
The problem is that human language does not contain words to fully communicate these concepts.by trying to describe the experience, we automatically add limits or associations (religious or otherwise) that are not relevant. In fact, most religious or spiritual dogma arises from the human beings’ attempt to communicate these experiences to others. We need references and guideposts,as comparisons to what truths we are sure of, in order to describe this other state if being to someone outside our own mind. Written language is wholly inadequate for the job.
Zach Herbert says
The point isn’t that we can’t see into the past or the future. We can. We can experience other lives, see other places, and know what’s going to happen before it does. We can connect at an unfathomable level with other people. We can connect with other consciousnesses entirely… None of that is in question. The point is that no matter how profound those experiences are, they are always finite. Even if you suddenly and simultaneously became aware of every thought and feeling of every human in history, and knew the cure for every disease, and the winning powerball numbers for every drawing yet to come… Your awareness is still finite. There is still more in the universe that you don’t know, than there is that you do. And so the question remains… How are we aware of some things, but not others?
Robin Karnis says
I am sure that the reason these experiences are finite is because we are still tethered to our physical bodies. Time only exists in relation to a fixed point in space. Our bodies, though capable of so much more than most of us could imagine, do have physical limits. Our perceptions are filtered through the limits of these cells. No amount of astral projection or expansion of our consciousness actually breaks that tether.We can stretch it to its outermost limits, but to reach the penultimate level, where we are truly one with the universe, we must give up life on this level.
Zach Herbert says
Every religion is “sure” of their beliefs. And I always encourage people to pursue a tradition if they feel it’s a match for them. My belief is that there is always value in questioning the sacred. And that there is still tremendous room to learn and grow.
Robin Karnis says
I have spent my entire life questioning the sacred. Have studied all the major religions, in search of a common thread. At age 4, I was visited by an intelligent being from another realm (at that time I interpreted him as an angel). He taught me about powers we all are capable of possessing and helped me to demonstrate them.He told me I would be given an important commission in the future, to lead others through the “transition” and that my life would be preparation for this eventuality.
Like you, I had a severe head injury in my teens. This, coupled with a mother who taught me yoga and transcendental meditation, set me on a unique path, or so I thought!
I have always been very different, always a counselor and leader, but I have always been a bit of a rebel too, questioning everything. It is so nice to finally meet people who are on the same journey!
JosieB Crook says
I love the simplicity and honesty in your description of these experiences, and am grateful to you for inspiring the enquirer and adventurer in me.
Zach Herbert says
Thanks! I’m glad you’re enjoying it!!
Paul_Goddard says
“I had none of my five physical senses.” – I’m curious about this; is this literal? My formless awakening had my five senses present which I suppose is a type of form. But they moved themselves gently here and there. All thought, feeling, identification on any level, subliminal, physical, conscious disappeared; no inner/outer, here/there or even relating to a primordial cognition of “existence” either. I didn’t hit my head but I did get married the day before, kinda the same thing. 🙂 I can somewhat relate if it is literal, having consciously experienced a sleep cycle much later where deep dreamless sleep was just a featureless blackness until body and space apprehension spontaneously came online (although admittedly black is a feature), much after space time comes online. Was it like a pure existential abstraction where only is-ness is, I don’t mean abstraction as a mental exercise or reflection, but as an attempt to place the quality of it. Speaking to this I’ve never felt more of a sense of objectivity or realness than awakening. Scientific evidence included. So, literally no senses: vision, hearing etc… just being that you are without any reflecting on that? Thanks.
Zach Herbert says
Yep, literally no senses. It was similar to carrying your awareness into deep dreamless sleep. But a little further removed. In that state, I usually have a rudimentary sense of self, even if it is very subtle and almost pre-conscious. That first experience was total emptiness. It was just a primordial awareness awakening out of nothing into nothing. And even “nothing” isn’t a good term… It wasn’t like I was floating in a big disembodied space, like an astronaut in a starless void. My awareness wasn’t localized in a larger emptiness. I WAS the emptiness. Which is the same emptiness that you feel/are in what you call formless awakening… It’s just that literally EVERYTHING else is absent.
Paul_Goddard says
Wonderful response; very clear, thank you. I started clueing into missing something here years back when I would read Hindu testimonies of forgetting the body. With everything else I always had a robust sense of self evident resonance, but not in this facet. Yet they also have this dubious, imo, disdain for the body. So it was easy for me to chalk it up to that. The intuitional hole I felt still remained, though, even with this assessment. Been trying to sort it out ever since. I think this helped, thanks!