It’s interesting. Since I launched the site and pulled the curtain back on Open Source Spirituality, there’s been one response that I’ve received more than any other.
From moms to metalheads to former-Mormons. The people are very different, but the message is always the same:
Thank you for putting yourself out there. And for showing that it’s okay to be me.
The funny thing is, the reaction usually comes before they’ve even had a chance to dig into the ideas.
More often than not, it starts with the silly Fuck Spiritual. Be You. picture in the sidebar.
So why is that so shocking?
Why should that, of all things, make any difference to anyone?
Because we’re all afraid to reveal who we really are.
And because “spiritual” people don’t say fuck.
We’ve been handed this idea of what it means to be spiritual… Peaceful. Transcendent. Free from emotion. Free from ego personality.
It’s easy to be “spiritual.” It’s easy to be pleasant and peaceful and unaffected.
It’s easy to pretend.
It’s easy because it’s safe; and it’s fake; and it comes with a roadmap.
All we have to do is follow the stereotype and project the right image. (When in doubt, just smile placidly and say Namaste.)
Being authentic is scary.
We all want, more than anything, to be ourselves. To express ourselves. To be seen and accepted. And appreciated for what we have to offer.
But we’re afraid that if we do express ourselves—if we reveal who we really are—the people in our lives will reject us and abandon us.
They won’t want to see. They won’t accept.
And the shitty thing is…
We’re right.
Not everyone of course. But some.
And sometimes it’s the people who really matter.
It could be your parents, or your best friend, or your lover.
No matter how hard you try, some people will reject you.
And the more you are who you are, the more rejection you’re going to face.
Because the most beautiful thing about you—the thing most likely to offend others—is YOU.
Scary? Yes. But here’s the good part.
Having a personality—being an actual person—lets people form an opinion.
Sometimes that means you get rejected. But sometimes it means you get to connect and engage at a much deeper level.
But until you put yourself out there, you’re just stuck in the middle. You don’t risk the rejection. But you never make the connection either.
Which brings us back to the picture in the sidebar…
I don’t exactly fit the “spiritual” stereotype. And when I was just getting started, I wasn’t sure what to do about that.
I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out how to not offend the old spiritual-but-not-religious crowd.
I was sure my ideas would help them. But I was also sure that my personality would rub them the wrong way. And so I kept trying to figure out how to take me out of the equation.
It was difficult, and depressing. And it kept me stuck for quite a while.
The turning point came when I attended a New Age expo in Nashville a few years ago.
I remember walking around this giant room, looking for anything different or interesting. I found costumed gurus and costumed psychics and crystal peddlers and approximately 270,000 certified Reiki masters…
And I thought, these are not the people I want to spend the rest of my life hanging out with!
Followed quickly by, what the hell am I going to do??
I already knew that this was my life’s path. I knew that my unusual insights into consciousness and the contemplative arts were the most meaningful gift I had to give.
But “Open Source Spirituality” didn’t exist yet… It was still in pieces. And it didn’t come together until I realized that I could share that gift with people who I wouldn’t need to hide from.
So I decided to let people see me.
Initially it was just my own act of courage. An effort to express who I really am, and hopefully build a life engaging with people who I could actually connect with.
But the more I revealed, the more I realized that authenticity was the point.
Not “spiritual.” Not “evolved.” Not “enlightened.”
Authentic.
Whatever that means… However that changes as you grow… Just be you.
For me, that means goofy pictures that express my personality, and a tagline that lets people form an opinion.
For you, it will be something else.
And the “spiritual” crowd? So far they’re predictably offended. They hide their shock, politely dismiss themselves, and go back to Namaste’ing with their friends.
And that’s probably for the best.
There’s a big difference between being spiritual, and being “spiritual.” And I’m definitely not the latter.
The question is: why are YOU here?
What is it that you’re looking for?
If you want to let go of your negative emotions… If you want life to be safe and simple… If you want to make the people you love, love you back…
Then you’re in the wrong place.
Spirituality isn’t safe.
It isn’t easy. It isn’t smooth. And it isn’t going to make people love you.
But it will change you.
You’ll wake up. You’ll break down. You’ll weep for beauty and connection. You’ll laugh and love and fight and fuck. And fall ass-backwards into mind-bending experiences that no one will understand…
But you won’t be safe.
You won’t avoid the things you don’t want to feel.
And if you use it as a path to authenticity, you’ll face an awful lot of rejection.
Because that’s the price of being YOU.
It’s the part that none of us signs up for—but all of us get anyway.
Not the most enticing pitch, is it?
Call it truth in advertising.
And if you still think that spiritual people don’t say fuck… If you still think it’s all about an even hand and a safe and steady passage… No worries. Keep up the search. And thanks for stopping by.
For the rest of you…
YOU, with the irreverent spirit…
YOU, with the inner-grin and the hopeful heart…
YOU, with everything to gain; and everything to lose…
We’ve been waiting for you.
If you liked this post, please consider sharing, along with a brief comment of what you thought… It doesn’t sound like much. But these small gestures make a tremendous impact on building our community, and helping other wayward rebels find a perspective that they can resonate with.
And if it spoke to you, why not Join the Tribe? It's free.. And this is just one tiny piece of more than two decades of impassioned work...... And YOU probably belong here with the rest of us!!
In any case, thanks so much for stopping by! – \m/ – Z
About Zach Herbert
I teach people to do cool things with their consciousness, and break their brains with beautiful ideas.
Professional heretic. Unlikely mystic. Host to rebels, misfits and independent thinkers.
Find out more here. And follow me on Facebook at:
Tatiacha says
yep there is the truth. New agers (even the ones I am friends with) have been hating me for 20 years for saying that same truth 🙂 Usually with a smile on their face! 25-30 years ago you could go to a fair (the expos everywhere didn’t exist yet) and find many people were real and true, then the secret took over and everyone was after cash, fame and some kind of spiritual or healing credentials. Fuck that shit. The real path is messy and sometimes angry and ugly as well as at times blissful and loving.
Suzanne says
Fuck is just a word, like any other word. I consider myself quite spiritual but not airy-fairy. I am downright crass at times. I tell it like I see it and waste no time with people of thin skin. If they can’t take it, then they are not fun.
I am happy with who I am and my approach to how people react to me, this is who I am, love it or leave it….If you can’t laugh at my ways, we are not a good fit.
Kristen says
Serendipity! You expressed the sentiment much more fucking poetically than I ever could of.
Jess says
FUCK. YES.
Jonell Pitts says
This reminds me of the book “The Gifts Of Imperfection” by Brene Brown.
anita says
Thank f##k someone has finally had the strength to say what many of us have been itching to but never found quite the right words! ????
Roni says
Loved it!! So spot on and funny, cause after all life is also funny!
Lisa Ann says
Thanks for this wonderful post I just made a comment on my fb page and had someone say huh… then i did a search for spiritual people don’t say fuck and found u lol.. This was my comment “when things become a priority over people. thats when things get fucked up!” Thanks again!!!
Auston Coy says
I understand and the closer I get to the light the more I feel like a social retard…..people tell me I’m super peaceful,spiritual and philosophical also offers contribute to the healing of lots…I’m being mentored to become a rekie /spiritual healer….I have this way abou tg using the word fuck….not all spiritually connected people have “clean mouths…you gotta express yourself and be you because I know from.past experience that I always fail at being who anyone else wants me to be…it’s not easy being a light bringer because of all the dark and labeled stereotypical way that things “should” be…but I’ve learned to truly live by the live and let live aspect of live…once you see the world through spirit vision and take that next step and find that one person that makes you realize your not crazy and most of all not alone…thar the seeing,hearing and the knowing of things that no living thing ever told you..and the that post you start to find that each and every one that yoh meet has there own special gifts…that maybe your there to help them wake up to the raw and beautiful spiritual power that us in each and every one of us….thanks I enjoyed this
Tristany Hoffman says
I knew this would be wonderful and insightful, just like you, Oz. You’re a beautiful fuckin soul. <3
Chameice Daniel says
So happy to see more and more people showing up and getting real! I am an InterFaith minister and intuitive counselor covered in tattoos deliberately dropping fuck in my writings to shake people up and get them out of their comfort zones so they get real with their lives. Rock on, brother!
MJ says
Fuck, Yes! And Thank You!
Debra Greenfield says
I would like to comment on the many statements about “spirituality” in your blog post, but the one that jumped out at me the most is the idea that being peaceful is “easy” and “spiritual” people being “free from emotion”. As a Buddhist practitioner for the last 8 years, I can tell you that finding peace in my life has been the hardest thing I have ever done, and it was much easier to be the combative person that I used to be, always calling people out on their shit and demanding their attention and respect. With mindfulness meditation practice, my heart has opened in a way that I feel my emotions more fully than I ever did, allowing myself to have compassion for all beings. And equating “ego” with “personality” only proves that you do not understand the concept of “anatta” or “non-self”. What is your definition of “spiritual” anyway, and how do you express your spirituality in the world”? I consider myself to be a rebel, going “against the stream” by allowing my true nature to dominate my life; which, by the way, is not angry, self-obsessed or attention seeking as you would have us think. I believe that our “true nature” is compassion, love and kindness. In Buddhist practice, we take precepts to remind us how to be better people out there in the world. The fourth precept states we “undertake the training rule to not use harmful or divisive speech”. I don’t know how spiritual it is to promote expressing negative emotions using a word originally associated with sex, but now used to express violence, anger and, yes, to purposefully offend another. I have always equated being a rebel with going against the idea that everyone fall into a pre-made niche that is widely accepted by society as “the norm”. Those self proclaimed “outsiders” and “punks” who run around dropping F-bombs as a way to express themselves are purposefully offending people as a way to make a statement about not conforming. Shouldn’t those who proclaim themselves to be spiritual use language as a tool to uplift and heal one another? I don’t understand the whole concept of this article, if we are loving, non-judgmental and kind, there is acceptance of anyone regardless of the music they listen to, the way they express themselves with their lifestyle choices, etc. We are all homo-sapiens, of all colors, body types, lifestyle choices -made of bone and skin and blood despite how we decorate these bodies and move them around in the world. Why do we need to classify ourselves as “rebels” or “spiritual” or “conformist” or “punk”? Bottom line, spiritual people are kind, and kind people are not all the vacuous, simple minded, yoga-pants wearing robots that this article insinuates. I may be a middle aged, 70’s hippie Buddhist with an idealistic view of the world, but I am mindful of my words that they not harm others. Maybe in your definition of being spiritual people say Fuck, but a kind and mindful person generally would not. Thank you for allowing me my opinion, I always appreciate the opportunity for discussion that inspires higher thinking.
Jennifer Lee says
This is exactly what I needed to hear today – well, every day actually. I’m still working on my courage to be my authentic self. Believe me, I wish I didn’t care so much what other people think … and truth be told, I’m in your face that “I don’t give a fuck” if push comes to shove … I just need to feel that confidence from step 1. Great post! <3
Logan Thatcher says
Thanks for the message! I was coming to a similar conclusion about being spiritual, so it was really dope to find reinforcement. I’ve found that many a time my inner peace comes from purposely pissing people off when they feel like being cognitively dissonant or when they want to shit on my beliefs to feel good about theirs
Robyn says
Just what I needed to hear today. Thank you. I have now decided to move forward with a project I’ve been afraid to start – so thanks for that little push too. 🙂
Bree Keyze says
This brought me to tears. Thank you.
Michael Allen says
It’s easy to develop an ‘idealised self image’ in an attempt to be ‘spiritual’. That is why I think ‘shadow work’ may be important. In turn that is why I like the approach of ‘Pathwork’ http://www.pathwork.org which seems to be a path which helps to integrate all the different levels of one’s being – shadow, inner child, personality and spiritual self- rather than ‘ sweeping under the carpet’ parts of oneself one considers to be unacceptable and hoping they will go away as one focusses on the ‘light’. Do you know about it, Zach/ I havven’t done much more than read a few books on it and download (for free) several lectures from the site. I live in the UK and it’s a pity Pathwork has not taken off here, unlike Holland and the USA for instance. I”m sure there are other approches that help to integrate the shadow too. I think Jung was the first person to talk about it. Jungian therapy is extremely expensive however.
Mike says
Ive been reading the alkuajatus and the whole message is to fullfull your own original will. Its the most spiritual book ive read and it is completely non metaphysical. Just a little manual to be you. Its a good read and i suggest it.
Natalya says
It’s really serendipity that I come across this today, as yesterday I was just speaking with a friend of mine expressing the exact same sentiments. Thank you so much for your words. Moments of stumbling across articles such as this refuels my hope.
Chandra says
Fuck you. Being spiritual does not mean being all airy fairy, sweetness and light, and … Oh, that was your point. Never mind. Carry on.
Mandy says
Fuckin a. Good job. Thanks.
John says
Such a great article! After losing family, I was told how to grieve. .. my response was ,”Really?!… so you’ve been there and walked in my shoes?… I don’t think so! My perspective of the world and my spiritual side are unique. . As all of us are! I know there is something else out there, because I have connected with it. Just because I don’t choose to be catholic, Mormon etc… doesn’t mean I cant. I’ve learned that first hand. I’m saving this site for future reference… good stuff man!
Fiona says
Without authenticity, how do we recognize what absolutely must change in the world in order to have a positive impact. Authenticity is our duty! Especially for those of us who are Divinely attuned. I say fuck all the time! It’s way more fun than keeping my mouth muted.
Robin Karnis says
Wow, I can’t believe the strong emotional responses to this article of yours. Is it that revolutionary? It is pretty much what I have felt all along and what has kept me from truly fitting in to so-called spiritual groups. For me, spirituality is knowing oneself and allowing oneself to be who we were meant to be. We are all put on this earth for a purpose. We are all in this life together and we are meant to help guide each other to become the best we that we can be. We are all connected by a thread to the creator. We all contain creativity within us and it is up to each of us to discover our place and our significance within the tapestry of the human condition. No crystals, no incense, no candles, no incantations are required. What is required is introspection, honesty, and a willingness to recognize and respect the spirit within each of us, without judgement and criticism. If you are able to put aside preconceived notions and recognize another’s pain, if you can accept flaws as part of a process of growth and you can be real, as a thinking, emotional human being, which is not mutually exclusive from one’s spiritual path, then you are on the right track. Be true to yourself and you will be true to others. Be kind to yourself and you will have kindness in your heart and it will radiate out to others. This is merely a first step. One cannot be inauthentic and hope to make any progress on a spiritual level. You have to be comfortable with yourself first, accepting of yourself first. Anything else is just fucking around and playing a game.
Christa says
Thank you for your honesty Zach! I have been on this spiritual journey for most of my life, and I don’t recall ever questioning if I believed in God. I have always believed and therefore always considered myself Christian.
What I have questioned, however, is why I had to do Christianity one way in one church and another way in another church while I saw horrible things happening within the churches as people dropped off like dead flies, even to the point of being angry with the church.
Fast-forward 43 years to the life of an almost divorced single mom of 3, one of whom has Asperger’s, and I’m beginning to understand something about life and spirituality. I have been in a church and really haven’t had any issues until my ex moved out last March. All of a sudden, there was no one from the church around.
Who was around, though? My friends who also believe in God, don’t go to church and say the occasional curse word. These friends have been true friends! They have loved me and my kids and brought us incredible healing!
Have I grown in this past year? You betcha!
Am I still dedicated to God? Absolutely!
Am I more giving than ever before? Yes!!!
Although with a drastic drop in available funds, I’ve had to be more creative with giving, I want to help others more than ever. I have learned it is my gift to encourage people! So that’s what I give… Encouragement!
As I question whether I’m in the right place (as in the church and spiritually), I find people adhering to faiths with peace and kindness at their root. Exploring why these other religions appeal to others, I realize it is because people want to love and be loved without having to follow some preconceived formula. People want to be themselves and still be accepted.
I know I am one of those authentic people! So how did I end up here? Because I’ve dropped a few F bombs amongst other not so “pleasing” words, and when I saw the title of this post, my curiosity was piqued! I’ve had discussions with friends about the term “fuck”, and the conclusion is that it’s a word some people do not see as horrible while others find it extremely offensive. I wondered what you had to say about spiritual people saying it.
I have been pleasantly surprised… First it wasn’t a bait and switch (you know, the type of bait and switch where they use this type of title to reel us in to convince us who are being ourselves that we are supposed to die to self so that means we should lose our personality and being true to self, especially when saying the occasional damned curse word, means we are walking in sin).
The other way I was pleasantly surprised was that your message is everything I’ve been saying! I adhere to those faiths that have peace and kindness at their roots but do not believe anything other than my Christian faith. I am inspired to be authentically me no matter what people (even in the churches) have to say about who I am. No matter how much I’m attacked or rejected, I believe the people who are authentic are the true spiritual people!
My mantra right now is “Be Kind. Be you.” It is the only way.
carole says
Thanks….right on time for me….how the fuck can you feel better and help someone else find their way if you are afraid to walk through the shit storms of life and see and feel and name it? Ego, or personality? Indeed! …great article! Totally not throwing shade at anyone…but for the first time in several months I feel ok being me…. Authenticity: yes, please!!!!! I fucking thank you, brother!
Joseph says
You hit the nail on the FUCKING head!! Namaste!
Chris says
Badass brother, keep it up. I find myself pausing before dropping shits and fucks and talking crass bc I say a lot of good carinf things also, but I don’t want to fit a type or expectation, so after a lil hesitation, I let my language come out exactly as I feel. Your key points on authenticity are SO essential today in this world where everyone wants likes and to be liked and envied. FUCK THAT, Being liked is cool, being everything you want to be without shame or worry is the fucking bees knees bitches, there is NOTHING wrong with showing people your TRUE HUMAN side, and EVERYTHING wrong with changing your inner vision of yourself and hiding the real you, just to appease people who a lot of the time don’t even acknowledge their own inner voice. Loved the message, many will echo this cry, now is the time to be cutthroat fearlessly YOU!
Tyler bruce says
Hey I have faced that road not because I had too but because I wanted too and as it ended up you are right the amount of people i turn away is ridiculous it let me realize that by being authentic I put everyone around me at ease and it allows me to read the situation of others and myself better , the only problem with being yourself is it leaves you vulnerable because you lay it all out on the line for everyone to see and they can throw it right back at you , but that’s the best part because you have taken your bruises you took your lumps and they can not touch you. It’s hard to hurt something that’s true that’s genuine so that’s why I’m spiritual
Michelle Greening says
Fuck, I love this!! THIS.., is exactly how I feel, this couldn’t have been said better if I said it myself! Thank you for every word you have written here! THIS depicts my life/journey in a nutshell.